Thought Process...

My phone rings. I ignore the text for the time being. The conversation between three friends is more important right now. Video games, school, girls, bitching...The usual talk. I start to phase out. Happens a lot. I stand up and walk over to my guitar. I realize how sad it is that it's the only gorgeous thing that I can hold on too. I stop for a moment. I smile and say to myself "It's not sad". One of my friends looks over. I tell him to grab his bass, so we can play. Sex and Candy. A few hiccups, but none the less pretty solid for being new. Start to play one of my own. This sounds good. I can tell. I feel calm and relaxed. euphoric even. My phone rings. I check the text. It's the same person. I don't care what he wants. My phone rings. He's being persistent. I check my phone its not him. "Shit" I have twenty minutes. That relaxed feeling slips away. I take a fast shower, dry off, and walk into my room. I look at my other friend "What should I wear?". He looks at me and grimaces "Why does it matter?". Hes no help. I pick up a red t-shirt. No. Black. My go to color. Slimming. I look at him again "Flannel?". Same look "Again. Why does it matter?". Long pause. "Fuck you" slips out. We both laugh. Mine fake. I need help. I feel hopeless. I shake it off. Encouraging thoughts. I'm cool, classy. Nothing to prove. I don't believe it. Everything to prove. I pick up my guitar again to settle myself down. The Wind Cries Mary. Fingers don't want to move. They're stiff and rigid. struggle through the song. I walk out to the bar. Grab a drink. The door opens. I give an awkward smile. Wasn't a smart move. Small talk starts. more awkward smiles. Drinking games. Win, Win, Lose. I walk to my room. No idea why. I sit at my desk and turn itunes on. Pretty Lights. I Can See It In Your Face. I sit and jam out to the song for awhile. I phase out again. I realize why I'm here. I walk to the bar again, and everyone seems to be having fun. Great. I loosen up. Grab a drink. I loosen up even more. Grab a drink. Game plan. No need for one. I'm a great guy I can do this. More drinking games. I hit that point. Damn. Jealousy sets in. All down hill.

Short Story II

Alright, So I thought that I would have at least the first part of the story up here by now. I guess I was wrong, but I promise that I am working on it. I just haven't had the time to get a lot done with it. So, I'm going to guarantee that the first part will be up by this weekend.

Short Story

Alright, so pretty soon I'm going to start writing a short story in parts. I just want to say that its not going to be edited in anyway so bare with me when you read it. If there are mistakes I'm not going to be surprised so just read it and try and enjoy

Career Test

So, this will be a short post but I figured its worth talking about. I just took a few career tests just for fun to see what it would say about myself. The first one I took was really short only 25 questions. I got results like journalist, novelist, veterinarian, and the one that made me laugh, Rabbi/priest. I sort of believed these results but, there was still a little doubt in my mind. So, I searched for a more in depth test and finally found one. This test was 78 questions long and would give you five careers that would be suitable for you. So, I decided to plug away at it, scrolling and then clicking a bubble for about 20 minutes. I Found myself stopping at the very end of the exam, hesitating to click continue. I thought about it for a minute, and the question I couldn't answer was "Why?". Why am I hesitating, it's just a simple career test. Is it the fact that its going to make me realize I shouldn't be in the major I am? Maybe, but I just couldn't answer that. So, with some doubt I managed to click continue. The 5 careers didn't surprise me they were Journalist, Novelist/poet, Historian, Artist, and photographer. What did surprise me were the five careers I would be unhappy with. They were Chemist, Mathematician, Architect, economist, and engineer. The career that I have been in school for 4 years now is one that I would be unhappy with. Engineer. I was a little shocked at that, but somewhere deep in my mind it was easy to accept. That's when I realized I just accepted the fact of being unhappy with my career. Is that even a good thing to do? So why did I find it acceptable? For the life of me I can't figure it out. The only thing I could think of was when I graduate at least I will make enough money, that will make me happy. Right? So, back to the previous question. Why did I hesitate? I think I can answer this now that I've thought it through. I've always known the answer to the "what do you want to do with your life" question. It's just I thought that being a writer, poet, journalist, or anything like that was such a dream. Something unrealistic, just a hobby to do on the side. I guess I just hesitated because there was no real reason to take the career test. That has to be it.

Just a Rant...

Does anyone know the Webster Dictionary's definition for Chivalry? Yeah, me either. If I had to guess though it would run along the lines of courtesy towards women, or the code of medieval knighthood. Either one works. The biggest question though is is chivalry dead? Most women will say that it is, but what's the mans point of view? I'll tell you what it is most of the time. Its the general things, like opening doors, or paying for a dinner and a movie. Oh look out! So I guess what you can say is that being chivalrous as a guy is having some sort of soul. In other words not having an empty black void of hatred where your heart should be. No. That's not what chivalry is. The people who know the real way to be chivalrous are the hopeless romantics. The reason why is that they thrive off of the idea of love. They dream of a day where they can make some grand romantic gesture too someone. They're the idealist, the dreamers, the imaginative. They make love look like an art form. It sounds so perfect when you describe the romantic part first, but they don't get the term hopeless for nothing. That day of your dreamed romantic gesture will never come. It will only stay a dream. Trapped in your mind slowly dissolving away and becoming a hopeless feeling. The term "dreamer" comes with a price somewhere, and this happens to be it. So what brings a person to become a hopeless romantic? Too many cliche romantic comedies, or is it seeing so many people happy when you're not? I think its the people who have been destroyed, crippled, decimate with the toils of love. I know what some people might think "I've had my heart broken I've had it the worst." Yes, that may be true, and I can't compare too your side of the story unless I'm told. But, I can tell you what I think it is. Try thinking about something that you use everyday, but could eventually live without. Lose it. Now a pet you cared for. Gone. How about a best friend? Vanished, and so on and so on exponentially increasing. Having this happen too you without ever catching a break in the game of love. Yet even after all of this for some god forsaken reason they still hold onto that glimmer of hope. That everything they do for someone will be noticed. In the end, we just want someone to care for. Someone to wish goodnight, and to roll over too in the morning. Too make you feel beautiful every fucking day.

3 AM

I can honestly say I miss The Yan on nights like this. It's not the town itself or the people in it (some I miss). I miss going for a drive at 3 in the morning. Yeah, I could drive around Rochester...but it's not the same too me. People stumbling, dragged, or kicked out of bars on a Tuesday night. A drunk chick sprinting across the street while her drunk friends yell. Some pretentious dickhead burning out around a corner thinking they're bad ass (guilty). Getting a red light at an intersection with you being the only one there. I guess what I miss is driving down main street and not seeing a single soul. Every building closed up waiting for a new dawn. Not even a car parked on the side of the road. Just weaving my way through the streets of what seems like a deserted town. Driving in no particular direction or purpose. I feel disengaged. No one to judge my off pitch singing, or the dirty, wrinkled t-shirt I threw on that morning. Windows down having the cool,sharp air caress my face. The Interior lit up by the soft green light of the dash. Searching for that one nostalgic song on the radio. The one about a lost love, or a new one found. Before you know it you're on a back road doing 80 with a smile on your face. Pouring your heart out to that song that was luckily on. Forgetting every mistake you've made so far. The only thing that matters is your foot on the pedal and your hand out the window. Wishing everyday could be as care free as a drive at 3 am.

Things Around RIT - Part I

So, Today I was minding my own business in the library when I saw "That one guy" walking around. If you go to R.I.T. you've probably seen him. Gross, dark, scraggly beard, those creepy sandals with Velcro and shit. Seems to never dress appropriately for the weather outside, and by that I mean shorts and T-shirt always. Oh, and have I forgotten the wide brimmed bucket hat that always seems to be placed somewhat off on his head, like some sadistic, soul crushing torture for an OCD kid. Please, I'm begging you kid. When the winter rolls around just throw on some pants. Also, maybe a different hat once and a while. I'm not saying have three hats. OH GOD NO! That would be blasphemy to your crooked hat, Velcro sandal, T-shirt all the god damn time wearing cult. The other person that I would like to mention is the chick who wears a Santa hat..EVERY GOD DAMN DAY. What are you trying to prove? That by wearing that hat the cheer of Christmas will surround you? No, you want to know what it does? Makes people want to smother you with that god damn hat. Hows that for some Christmas cheer?

Friend Zone

Finally a post...Haha. Anyways I was talking today with my friend Jared, and he got me thinking. The Friend Zone is pretty much a black hole of happiness. That, or living in New Jersey. Either way its horrible. I know what everyone is going to say..."quit bitchin". My response you may ask? Fuck off. Its not the fact that I've been "banished" on countless occasions. Or the fact every time I was "banished" I deserved it (still under investigation). No, its just I know the real reasons. Now, here are the top three reasons guys are told they are in the Friend Zone. One, "You're such a great guy, and I don't want to ruin our friendship." Two, "You remind me so much of my/a brother." Last but not least, "I didn't know, why didn't you make a move?". Ok, so the first ones meaning (My opinions). This one is easy. You as a person have a great personality that she loves, but sadly you don't meet her standards. Oh well. The second one has a little more depth to it. She likes you and all that, but she already has someone in her life that's a carbon copy. She can relate how you act to someone who already exists. Most likely the person being a great friend, or someone who has already been "banished". Tisk tisk...Poor mother-fucker. Now, on to the last one...Oh the last one. Making the move...completely up in the air. She could have been digging you, then you bitched out. Or, she knew you're a pussy and wouldn't do anything. Hey, at least there was a possibility.



Love writing bullshit

I've Done Nothing...

So, I realized its been more than a month than my last blog, and I was hell bent on writing at least one blog every week. Guess that went out the window. The reason for this is well..I don't have a reason. I guess its just every time I get on to blog about something I want it to be special. I want it to at least interest the 3 to 4 people that read this. Yet, I have had a change in heart about the way I feel. Fuck it.

God Damn Pennsylvania

There are a few things that need to be said about the state of Pennsylvania. The first one is for the drivers of PA. If we are passing someone in the left lane of the highway just be somewhat patient. All PA drivers automatically assume we aren't going to move over and will pass you on the right. I don't have a big problem with this except for one thing. Everyone of you wait for the worst possible times to pass. An example would be when we have our turn signal on turning into the other lane, and you decide right then and there is a good time to pass. Almost always sending us into the median and rolling our car. The other thing is on the highways it would be nice for a speed limit sign more than every 15 miles. Just a heads up would be nice so we aren't moving at mach god damn 3 when its a 45.

Siblings

So, I came home today to the wonderful Yan (Penn Yan, NY). Just a normal visit home saying hello to the rents and hanging with some friends, but I got talking with my Mom and one of my good friends Karl Fleming tonight. We talked about pretty much everything. What we need for our apartment this coming year and the gossip my mom needed to tell us. We got onto the topic of my sister and I and how we get along really well. This got me thinking about the best memory I have with my sister Amanda, and I realized it was a battle of epic proportions. When we were younger and still living in our old house in Branchport we got in a bit of a verbal disagreement. She said something or I said something either way I ended up tapping her lightly with a wooden spoon. She may say that it was a lot harder, but shes lying. So after this light tap her reaction was to get a pot lid as defense. Thinking this was a good idea I proceeded to do the same. This led to a fury of wooden spoon sword fighting and the clang of metal. Sadly, my sister out fought me into a den we had that led to our front porch. I looked around and the only way out of this situation was out the door and onto the porch. As I got out of the door my sister cornered me. Cackling like some crazed homeless women. I thought I was doomed, til I saw my redemption. The tongs to the grill, the perfect utensil weapon. I grabbed it and fought back valiantly while my Mom screamed, and my Dad laughed. Finally the battle came to an end. Neither She or I won it was a draw. We looked at each other with an icy cold stare. Then laughed.

BRAAAAIIIINNNSS!!!

I was just looking up at all the books that I have above my desk and I realized something. Out of the 23 books up there, 8 books are about zombies. The saddest part in all of this is that the most worn in copy of any of these books is The Zombie Survival Guide. The binding is all creased and starting to separate from the pages. The cover is dirty and ripped. Whats this saying about me? I'll tell you what. I'm going to be god damn prepared for the zombie apocalypse. I know what you are going to say "Oh Zach, zombies aren't real you're so funny!". My reply will be punching you straight in the baby maker. The reason is when scientist fuck something up I'm going to be ready, and being prepared for all situations is the only thing that matters. CHURCH SON! COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE! Haha.

Scar Tissue

If You Have To Ask I Could Die For You.
This Is The Place Naked In The Rain.
Transcending Don't Forget Me.
Falling Into Grace.
C'mon Girl Torture Me.
Hey Strip My Mind.
Knock Me Down Soul To Squeeze.
I Found Out Shallow Be Thy Name.
If You Want Me To Stay Venice Queen.
Nevermind.

Take a Minute

So here I sit thinking about drowning in an endless sea of pussy. Fucking my way to the bitter end. Just speed ball my way to hell while smoking that sweet sweet Mary Jane. Living everyday as fast and as hard are you can. Is that a way to live? Like some glammed up 80s rock star? Some may say that there can be nothing better than that high you feel. Running wild, doing whatever and whoever at will. In my opinion there is something exponentially better than that. Its elegant, deep, and unreal. Its something simple, yet complex simultaneously. Its Love. I'm not talking about that mushy fairy tale love that makes a good catholic girl wet. I'm talking about the love for slowing down and just realizing where you are. The love for the simple things in the world that are perfect. There's no better feeling than waking up as the sun peaks the skyline while birds sing, and fog blankets the ground. Just soaking up how flawless that moment is, and loving every nanosecond. Slow down, breathe, and love the utopia you're standing in. Remember that feeling and try to spread it too everyone you can.

The Shawshank

Today I realized I watch The Shawshank Redemption way to much. I can almost quote the whole movie. Its pretty sad that the two movies that I know so well are this and Star Wars episode IV: The Empire Strikes Back. Go geekiness all the god damn way. Then again The Shawshank Redemption isn't really that geeky. I was trying to reason with myself why I watch it so much. All I can come up with is that Morgan Freeman should narrate my life. Just for fun though like if I got a bad test grade or some other bullshit just have Morgan Freeman slip in there. Saying "I wish I could tell you Zachary fought the good fight, but college is no fairy tale world. Only the strong willed can survive this hellish place". Pretty sure I would shit myself I would be so happy, haha. Also, a side note. How awesome would it be to have Christopher Walken be the voice in a GPS. Think about it. Hahaha.

Endless Summer

Do you remember when you where a kid and the summers seemed to last forever? Every day felt like a month and the sun slowly crept down the horizon. I remember the last day of school before summer when I was little. It was the most painful thing to wait for. All day it was lets hand back this, here is your project that's been on the wall for three months. Yet, the only thing I cared about was the sweet sweet feeling of immortality for three months. I know why it was so hard for me to get past that last day as a kid. It was because I had the greatest summers. My grandparents owned a Marina on Keuka Lake where I would spend all of my time. All day it was fishing, swimming, running around, tubing and jet ski rides. These weren't even the best parts about it though, because every summer I would get to spend a whole week with Mihran Erkiletian. Him and I met when we were barely in kindergarten, in a sandbox under an apricot tree. A simple stroke of luck that I was walking by with my grandma and she told to to play with him. Its been great memories ever since. I remember the best part about him coming down was the free reign we had between the Marina and his lake house. We could run from one yard to the next never being told to slow down or to watch out. We would fish anywhere we wanted and laugh til we cried. Everyone knew us, and whenever Mihran was down we were inseparable. We would run around with the sun on our backs feeling invincible to the world. Everything is and was better with good company, and I can honestly say those were and will be the endless summers i remember.

Why...

So this totally cool chick I was having a conversation with tonight made me realize...I want to write at least something down once in awhile. I've always wanted to try and be a writer but i chose a different path in my life. Do I regret it? Not at all. Do I always love it? Hell no. I know I have horrible grammar and I'm also one of the worst writers in the sense of organization, but I could care less. I know I have some decent ideas stuck in my mind and I figured I'll try and get them out somewhere. That somewhere being here, and hopefully someone to read them. That someone being you.